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Archive for the ‘text’ Category

Grammar Nazi Fail

In photo, text on October 1, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Correcting a Fail

As one of the commenters said in this Lamebook piece, if you’re going to play the Grammar Nazi Card, you better be error-free in your own grammar! Which is precisely what makes this FAIL such an XLOL!

Taken from Lamebook.

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Potty Blogger

In text on September 4, 2009 at 9:59 pm

Thanks to the folks at Thrillist, I’ve been splitting my sides reading this blog about the everyday antics and horrors in the men’s room of 720 California Street in San Francisco. Witty potty bloggers like this need to be applauded and supported. XLOL! Enjoy this excerpt:

Is it weird to walk out of the men’s room holding a box of cereal?

Unless there has been a natural disaster that knocked out the power to your refrigerator so that the only way you can store your milk and keep it from going sour is by tying a string around the carton and gently submerging it into the cool water of your toilet…yes; yes it is.


Finally … A Weight Gain Reality Show !

In text on September 1, 2009 at 10:12 pm

Just got this via email. Because, well, one of these days, we plan to fly down to Colorado to finally set foot in the Heart Attack Grill. It’s one of those places that just beg XLOL staffers to visit.

6:30pm TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 1st
TUNE INTO CBS CHANNEL 5

for the official LIVE announcement of the

HEART ATTACK GRILL REALITY SHOW

5 TEAMS WILL COMPETE TO SEE WHO CAN

GAIN THE MOST WEIGHT!

We are now casting male models between 35 and 45 years of age currently weighing between 250 and 300 pounds. For an 11-week reality show which focuses upon how much weight (muscle and fat) the male model can gain over the 11-week period. The male shall be teamed with a sexy nurse partner who is trying to lose weight at the same time. Apply IN PERSON at the restaurant. Filming and contest begins October 1st. Only five male/nurse teams shall be chosen to compete. $10,000 cash prize for the winning team gets paid in December!

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

In text on August 28, 2009 at 9:03 pm

A quick phrasebook for beginners in Chinese. And just in case you think this is racist, this was posted by our resident Chinese guy, OK?

ENGLISH …………………………………….CHINESE

1) That’s not right ………………………… Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?………….. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP…………………………… Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man …………………………….. Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ……………………………. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ……………… Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ………….. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift …………….. Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s very dark in here ………………….. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ………… Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone ……………… No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week … Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight ……………………. Lei Ying Lo
14) He’s cleaning his automobile …………… Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive …………… Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great …………………………………… Fa Kin Su Pah

I’ve Got a Gun in My Belly Flab

In text on August 8, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Inmate hides a gun in his fat

Inmate hides a gun in his fat

In Texas, an obese inmate at a county jail was charged after officials learned he had a gun hidden in his rolls of fat. How did they learn this? He admitted having the gun during a shower break. WHAAAAT? “Hey officer, by the way, I gots me a 9-millimeter here in my belly.” Yet another example of XLOL!

LINK TO ARTICLE

I’d Like to add “Delete Delete” to my connections

In text on July 17, 2009 at 8:30 pm

Delete!

Boing Boing has a fascinating post of a LinkedIn user who couldn’t get his user  account deleted. So he renamed it “delete delete” and joined the growing ranks of disgruntled LinkedIn ghosts who have done the equivalent of placing spraypaint graffitti on their profiles.

LINK

When you’re too lazy to LOL

In text on July 17, 2009 at 8:22 pm

If you’re on Twitter, and you’re too lazy to microblog something funny, then fear not, XLOL readers! There’s a service where you can simply point and click, and — voila, presto, — LOLz appear on your twitter feed. Check out TwitLOL.com. It’s so ugly an idea with such trite Tweets that it counts as an XLOL to me.

TwitLOL - use at your own risk!

LINK

Mouse Balls – the memo

In text on July 17, 2009 at 7:31 pm
mouse balls

mouse balls

Apparently a computer company actually sent a memo about replacing mouse balls that contains some hilarious excerpts:

  • Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
  • It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction

LINK